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Is it me? For a moment...
4th-Mar-2013 01:33 pm - another angry post
Hating everything and everyone today. What I hate most of all though, is not being able to just spit out writing like some people can. I hate that I have to care about what I write, that I have to feel some connection. It makes writing things for school an exercise in masochism. I didn't do a paper last night like I was supposed to because everything sounds stupid, even though I'm pretty sure I'll have to come up with something for it anyway by the end of the week. I have to do one tonight and I'm really tempted to see if I can avoid it.

It just drives me crazy. All this pointless writing that has no purpose. That reflects none of my own feelings because my feelings on whatever I have to write are negative or DON'T EXIST. As in, I could care less about this topic but I have to write something. All of it is just this manufactured bs, and it makes me feel so fake.

And I hate that it effects me. It would be one thing if I could just write out this stuff I don't care about and be able to not care about reactions, but it's still my writing. It's still an extension of me even if I hate it and so even if I know it's bad, and it gets flayed apart and critiqued to the max it hurts. It's like someone pointing out a flaw of any other kind. You try not to care but you still do.

I've always had problems with critique, it's the reason why I could never go back to school as a creative writing major. I care too much about my creative writing to withstand constant criticism even if it means well. It's too personal. But academic writing isn't much better. There's that slight disconnect, that feeling of "this isn't really me" but in order to write there needs to be a connection, and it's that connection which causes the critiques to still get to me.

It's going to be a long semester. I have to find a way to get through all these papers without losing my mind, and I'm not entirely sure how to do that yet but I need to figure it out soon. I have enough family stress to deal with, academic stress just makes it all worse.
loki-- glass
20th-Jan-2013 10:47 pm(no subject)
Had a talk with my mom and then proceeded to sing along to music in the basement. It's calmed me down a good bit.
Galadriel-- 'Treacherous...', me!
20th-Jan-2013 07:33 pm(no subject)
What's the point of compassion if you can't do anything? I mean, what the hell good is it to want to help, to feel the need to help and hurt for someone else if you can't do anything? It makes me wish I didn't feel anything at all.

cut because below is a rant about dealing with someone with an EDCollapse )
Bob-- reaching but I fall
4th-Jan-2013 12:50 pm - productivity
There are things that I really need to do today. Like, finish the rehire paperwork. Get a bus pass. Double-check that I have the temporary insurance paperwork so that I can be insured after this month.

I should do these things soon. Some of them today.

What am I doing? Laundry. All the freaking laundry because it is driving me absolutely nuts. There are so many clothes just everywhere in the basement and I don't understand why there are so many. Like, how did they get so many clothes? I know the dressers aren't all empty.

So I'm just doing all this laundry so that I can be productive in someway. And I should empty the dishwasher but just ugh. Freaking housework, man. I don't mind so much if it's just me but everyone else's stuff makes it so much more irritating. Dishes, too. I can't believe how many dishes we all go through. I'm like, really tempted to just get rid of things. Or hide them.

There's also this whole underlying family stress going on that I can't really think about right now because when I do it stresses me out big time and causes me to forget about things I really need to do.

I love my mom and family to death, but the sooner I get out of here the better. I got bitten by spiders yesterday, and have these big bites everywhere besides the other insect bites I've gotten the last week. Dust, insects, clutter... this house is like my own personal death trap. Korea must have really done something to me because I swear it wasn't this bad before.
Star Wars: No reward is worth this
29th-Dec-2012 10:46 pm - still jet-lagged
It's been almost a week but I'm still pretty jet-lagged. At least I assume that's what this is/ The latest I've stayed up yet it 1am, but more often than not I'm in bed by 10. It's annoying because I keep waking up way earlier than I want to be getting up. It's also a little surreal because usually I'm pretty good at staying up late but I just can't manage yet.

My apologies to anyone trying to get in touch. AIM is working again but I just haven't been on late because of the sleeping thing. Will see how long it lasts, hopefully not that much longer like this.
100--golden rules
21st-Dec-2012 05:44 pm - Final Countdown
I have about 38 hours before I need to be at the airport. Still haven't figured out my sleeping plans for Saturday night since they kick me out that morning. I was hoping to find a cheap place but they're a bit lacking. I'm really hoping I can just sneak back in during the evening and crash at a dorm-mate's room but I'm not sure if that's possible. Worst comes to worst I'm going to head to the airport and just hang around. I don't really wanna stay up all night like last time but I may not have a choice. I know I'm gonna be sleep-deprived either way, but here's to hoping I can sneak back in unseen!

I'm still just so shocked that the time has finally come! All of a sudden it just seemed to disappear. I've had so much fun, made good friends and memories and all I keep thinking is: I have to come back.
DBSK--Min Travel Log
6th-Dec-2012 03:40 pm - Okay, we can!
After what feels like ages I have come out of my stress funk! I was getting barely any sleep and had negative motivation. After a good night's sleep, a class where everything I had left to do was clarified and getting one part of a final done I am finally getting my motivation back.

It's the little things. Organizing everything into small achievable-looking things with specific deadlines helps a lot. This is what I'm looking at this weekend.

Topics in Korean Culture & Language
--Group Paper A: Make sure citations are right. Ultimately must be finished by the weekend, but if I get it done early, this is good. (This is the midterm with then end-of-the-semester deadline.)
--Group Paper B: Have significant research done for my idea for paper. Have group meeting on Friday wherein we finalize our topic. (This is the final.)

Contemporary Korean Film
--Memories of Murder Feedback Paper.
--Western Classic Thriller vs Korean Thriller Feedback Paper. Watch and compare. 3-5 hours movie-watching.
Topics in Korean Culture & Language
--Actually working on Paper B?

Not going to go any farther than that because I need to take things bit by bit for this whole accomplishing goals thing to work.

In other news, it snowed! Real snow that is still on the ground. I watched people have snow-fights yesterday and took pictures up on the roof of the library. Finally feels like winter.
SuJu--Movie!ShiWook book-floating
3rd-Dec-2012 12:24 am(no subject)
Somedays I really hate being a procrastinator. All I can do is think about what I have to do and it's like, can't you just do your damn work? There shouldn't be an issue with motivation. There really shouldn't, yet there is. And it bothers me a lot that I can't just switch over and just freaking do whatever it is I need to do.

I have a group paper, movie evaluation, midterm variation and one short skit all due this week. I have more stuff next week but I really have to take it one week at a time.

But seriously I need to get things done. And I don't know if I can get any of them done tonight.

All I can think of is catchy songs and videos. Not good. Need to snap out of it.
DBSK--Jaejoong PARIS
15th-Feb-2010 09:40 pm(no subject)
Starting to get really sick of OMG SPOILERS~1!1 posts in my Glee communities. Or at least the one I check a lot.

Goddammit people, there's a reason they're called spoilers--because they SPOIL shit. I mean, I might be in it more for the music than the plot, but come on people. Some of us are purists. Glee won't be back til APRIL, I've made it two months so far without reading your damn spoilers I'm not starting now.


Now back to trying to do some work.
Glee-- Confessions
23rd-Dec-2009 11:06 pm - fic
+Title: Of Beanies and Inspiration
+Author: Izzi, luvmeanddespair
+Pairing/Characters: GDYB
+Rating/Genre: PG-13, for language and fluff.
+Summary: "Sometimes I can't believe you were that little boy who didn't say anything and I was the one who had to say hi to you."
+AN: First time for Big Bang fic, and first time posting ANYTHING in... almost a year. Thanking butterflyweb for the beta.

no fancy text todayCollapse )
BB-- Bae military
30th-Aug-2009 11:38 pm - NEWS FLASH
Thanks to a call from my new landlady (whom I'm quickly starting to adore) Emily and I can move in tomorrow instead of Tuesday! This is good because I can spend all day moving crap after History instead of having to break to go to my evening class.

Getting the bed up three flights of stairs... well, we'll see. We got it into the van I have faith we can get it inside the apartment.

This also means my internet usage will be a little screwy until we get it all set up for ourselves. Oh well. I'm just excited to get moved in sooner.
DBSK--changmin grin
So, I was randomly reading AOL news stuff when I cam across something that disturbed me greatly.

Tossing Out Old Pillows "In five years, 10 percent of the weight of the pillow is dust mite and dust mite debris," says Dr. Tierno. To fight the mites, he recommends a protective cover for your pillow in addition to using a pillowcase. The National Library of Medicine recommends purchasing allergen-impermeable pillow covers, or replacing your old pillows with synthetic, washable pillows and wash them in hot water weekly. So let's hope the 15 percent of survey respondents who said they never throw away their pillows are making every effort to keep the mites away.


There's also this:

Washing Your Sheets Sixty percent of you aren't changing them weekly, which is how often Dr. Tierno recommends -- and that's as long as you have a protective cover to guard against dust mites and debris that build up in your mattress. "You could do it more, but that can be excessive and a waste of water," he says. To the 16 percent who wash their sheets monthly and 10 percent even less than once a month -- you might want to consider changing your bedding more frequently.

Now, I fail in the sheet area, always have, but after this I'm gonna try to do it at least once a month now. As for the pillows... that freaked me out even more because isn't everyone's favorite pillow the one they've had forever?

Needless to say I just changed my sheets and hurled them and my pillows into the laundry area. I'm MacGyver-ing my own stuffing for clean pillow cases. Yes, I know I'm being paranoid. I am also buying new pillows to bring to my apartment this week.

the verdict is WTF?
21st-Aug-2009 06:34 pm - 1 out of 2 ain't bad.
Well, the good news is my history book came. The bad news is my math book problem is still a problem. The bookstore people actually told me it was better to show up without a book rather than show up with a never-taken-out-of-plastic book that ends up being the wrong one. It feels wrong to me, but since I can't figure out how to contact the teacher (s/he's not on the math faculty, and the only two searches of their name reveals no info on one and an email list and 'tutor' for the other.)

So I guess I'll just show up without one and ask the guy/gal when they show up.

On an unrelated note, Emily and I made Pineapple Upside-Down Cake and did shopping for the apartment. Much was accomplished.

EDIT: It's a guy, according to the class description I looked up. But there is no info on him at all. He's a ghost, apparently.
Galadriel-- 'Treacherous...', me!
15th-Aug-2009 01:18 pm - FUCKING YES

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Galadriel-- 'Treacherous...', me!
14th-Aug-2009 05:01 pm - More than the air I breathe...

I forgot how much I loved that song. Also, I cried a little because of the OT5. I'm not ashamed.
Galadriel-- 'Treacherous...', me!
7th-Aug-2009 02:25 pm - Update
All right, first things first. Old news to some but Trip out East is canceled because even I am sick now. *shakes fist* At least it's just a cold and not the Death Plague everyone else has.

I applied and got accepted to the community college I wanted. I just need to get those darn transcripts over.

I took the placement test this morning and passed into respectable levels of reading, writing, math. So I can't register for classes until tomorrow, but after I do I have 24 hours to pay tuition. (As TODAY, THE 7TH is the actual date tuition is due, this is not actually a bad thing.)

I will be going as a part-time since Korean at the U is 5 credits, and if I took 11 credits at the college (the max for PT) I'd have 16 credits on my plate. Which is a full-time load. My dad finds this reasonable.

Now I just need to find a place to live. Stupid apartments.
SuJu--Movie!ShiWook book-floating
30th-May-2009 11:58 am - :D :D :D
Grades are finally up. And I got...

An A!

Somehow the 'term gpa' was 4.0. Which I can't wrap my head around but hey, I'll take it. I guess I didn't totally bomb the oral stuff after all. ^_^

Ps. Yus, the layout has changed. I think it's quite pretty. Props to tinseltown16
DBSK--changmin grin
19th-Jan-2009 01:57 pm - Fandom meets School, whut?
So. Last semester we had to get a lame work-in-progress textbook for beginning Korean. We had to do the same for seconds semester, obviously since I'm sure it's going to be one huge book.

Every so often there's a Culture page, and I stared a bit at one of them while I was flipping through. Lo, did my eyes behold a strange sight. Big Bang. A blurb on music, the second half on Kpop, and Big Bang in a photo. Now, they didn't label the picture saying it was Big Bang but I know what I saw. I took pictures as proof.

My camera is kind of lame, but I dare you, tell me that I'm wrong.

cut for big photosCollapse )
Galadriel-- 'Treacherous...', me!
15th-Jan-2009 12:57 am - Progress report.
Bento-ing was a good idea. Two hours later have made a bento and taken pics/made random video accidentally on purpose. Will post sometime tomorrow, am tired now and need to sleep.

Night all.
Galadriel-- 'Treacherous...', me!
7th-Jan-2009 06:36 pm - My brain...it hurts.
So. Am thinking of going back to college. For realz, yo.

There's a lot of stuff to think about. I desperately need to talk to someone about how I go about doing this because I really don't know how. I was a student at UE and then that didn't work so I went home. And then last fall I become a non-degree seeking student at the UofM.

Anyway, I was thinking with the credits I have and the breadth at which I passed them, I should try out Comparative Lit. Major on the 'Cultural Studies' track. With a possible minor in Korean, because that's only four semesters of Korean and two Asian Language and Literature courses 'in one Asian literature/culture related to the student's area of concentration' Which looks like "Topics in Korean Literature" and "Topics in Korean Culture" So...yeah.

The suck part will be all the Gen ed stuff I didn't do like.. science. And probably math since I don't think I got a high enough grade in the one for it to transfer, but we'll see. I did however get an A in Intro to Psych and a B in Intro to Philosophy, so theoretically they should be fine. But like I said I won't really know anything until I talk to people at the U. Aish.

It should be noted that this whole 'becoming a student by Fall' correlates to the strong fleeting hope desire to go Study Abroad in South Korea in Spring Semester 2010 with my friend. Double aish.
Galadriel-- 'Treacherous...', me!
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