It's kinda been up-and-down today.

Woke up at 11:30, took a shower, got prettied up. Went to Dunn Bros with my FREE COFFEE DRINK coupon and got large caramel mocha latte (it had FOUR SHOTS of espresso, FTW!!). Then my mom and little sisters and I went to IHOP (first time for me, actually) and then we went to a Mall I haven't been to in a while (because...I work at another one). And then my mom started feeling sick, so we went home. Synced my iPod with Miracle, U and H.O.T!Haengbok.

Bussed to Cub Foods picked up some chocolate devil's food cake cookies (<--ME because we had no eggs). Went to Barnes & Noble and used my card to get some more Magentic Poetry stuff (I have a MP calendar) and then bussed to my mall/workplace from there. And discovered my iPod had rebelled at some point, and didn't work. -_-

I hung out with my awesome coworkers (it was a potluck/birthday/farewell party XD). There was SO MUCH food. Bought stuff (other than my cookies): fried chicken, fried rice, pizza. Home-made!Stuff: Mexican rice & white cake (manager of win~), EGG ROLLS (ILU, Maila). And we got tips from the last couple of months. I got $50. :D Called my dad. Got his voicemail. Again.

Went to Target with my stepdad, bought random stuff, (hair dye, make-up [i know, what?!], mints, a toothbrush, and a throw-away camera). I've started taking random photos of stuff including one of me so far and I've got like 24 left. Will promise to post them when I get it developed.

So, yes, you can see from that list I have not actually imbibed any alcohol. Everyone was tired and I really didn't want to go out by myself. I also haven't heard from my brother or dad. In fact, since they've been gone (a week now, Florida, [for their birthdays 16th and 17th respectively] ) I've heard nothing. I've left messages on Dad's cell. He better have taken it. So...I'm kind of frustrated. And sad and disappointed that my dad couldn't bother to call on my birthday. I assume my brother has at least thought of me.

I think that stupid hormone stuff is starting up again. Which sucks. I wasn't going to let anything bring me down today, you know? But... no call. I've had my fights with the man, but...we'd gotten to a decent level ground and now it's just getting messed up again.

As a result I'm offering up graphics skills and listening to non-sad music. Because when I'm down, I play with GIMP.

My brother's back in the psych ward. For being suicidal.

I saw it coming, he fucking told me, but I didn't want to believe it. I don't know why it's so hard for me to deal with it. Maybe because he's never had any issues like that before, which is bullshit because god knows half my family is depressed or something. Maybe I'm just selfish because I'm used to being the one with issues but now that I'm less issue-y he's...taken my place?

That sounds fucked up even to me, and I'm not that inclined to believe it. All I know is that I got woken up forty minutes ago by my Mom telling me he'd been readmitted.

And what the fuck am I supposed to do now? According to Other Conversations, he, my stepbro, and I were to OUT of Dad's house by the "Start of the school year". Okay, so fine. No big deal, Mom and Stepdad are getting DSL between now and December anyway.

I just feel so useless. I couldn't think of what to do to help, even though I know that sometimes it's just hard to want anyone to help you. I had to have been able to help somehow, could I?

And of course, all these Not Good thoughts keep running through my brain, cutting being at the top of the list followed by trying out drinking and brawling. Lucky for me I'm too much of a goddamn pansy to try anything, and I have to much pride for having gone over a year without cutting to try that either.

It's sounds stupid to even call it that, I mean, what kind of moron uses a plastic shaving razor to cut? It's more like deep scratches and the only time it was ever halfway deepish was the last time. And that freaked me out enough that was the last time.

But it's been going through my brain, I can see myself doing it, but I'm just so sick of all the crap I know I won't even bother. It won't help and it'll only stress people out. I just wish I had money to spend. This would be a good day for a chocolate/coffee spending spree. All I can say is thank god for all the Terry music. That stuff kept me sane the last two days, and it's going to keep me on an even keel for a goodly time more, I'll reckon.

So. My dad's pissed. At my brother. For his Econ Class that he started in September but stuff isn't due until July. Oh, yeah, he's not started it until like, a couple weeks ago. And he's moving. Really. Slow. Ly.

So...Dad's thinking of kicking him out and back to Mom's. Like, before he has to leave anyway because of Dad and Laurie's Random "Let's Visit John and Joanne who Live in IL!!" thing.

Ergo, due to their sudden...random vacation to see my aunt and uncle, I will be over at my mom's for ~10 days starting the 29th and ending the 9th. I think.

So. Yay. I get to say I'm going on semi-hiatus on the 12MB OOC!Comm. Joy. Rapture.

Oh, and the reason for my Subject Quote? I just think of that Classic Mylar Line whenever my dad makes Indian food. Which he is tonight, Chicken Biryani. Mmmm.